Sickipedia Hottest #3

虽世殊事异,所以兴怀,其致一也。


☆ It’s not true. You don’t lose your sex drive after five years of marriage.
It just goes from being automatic to manual.

你并不会在结婚五年后失去性欲。
你看我,只是从自动挡切换到手动挡了。


☆ How to get your kids to eat.
Put the food on a spoon and say “Here comes the choo-choo train”.
If they still won’t eat it ……
don’t untie ’em from the tracks.

孩子不吃饭怎么办?
只需要拿着勺子对他们说:“小火车来喽~” (choo-choo train 是大人哄小孩时候的说法,请自行脑补。)
如果他们还不吃的话……
就不要把他们从铁轨上解下来。


☆ I was told that cucumbers are very good for your memory.
I can vouch for that as 15 years ago my uncle stuck one up my arse…. and I can still remember it!!!

别人说黄瓜对记忆里有好处。
这不,十五年前我叔叔用一根黄瓜捅了我的屁股,我现在还记忆犹新。


☆ My gay son was so fed up with me making jokes about his sexuality, he picked up a kitchen knife, attacked me with it, yet somehow managed to miss every vital organ.

What a shit stabber.

我的基佬儿子受够我嘲讽他的性取向了,他拿起一把厨刀捅了我,但很巧妙地避开了所有重要器官。。
真是个糟糕的刺客/这该死的搅屎棍!

注:shit stabber是基佬的N个外号之一,至于来历嘛… 字面翻译就是捅屎的人。画面感出来了吧。


☆ Kobe. The first black dad to leave and take the kid with him.

科比,有史以来第一个带着孩子离开的黑人。

注:黑人没爹梗,69.4%的黑人产妇在生育时未婚,因为黑哥哥得手就溜了。


☆ I struggled so hard in the days after my wife died.

You have no idea how fucking hard it is to get confetti and glitter out of carpet.

我妻子死后的日子我过的非常艰难。
你无法想象把彩带和金粉从地摊上弄下来有多难。


☆ People say that I’m a bad person….

but I reckon they’re just jealous that they can’t kick pigeons as far as I can.

人们总说我是个坏蛋,
但我觉得他们就是嫉妒,不能把鸽子踢的像我一样远。


☆ My son recently came back from Thailand and I’m still livid about the sex change.

He’s still a man, it’s just that my wife recently cut me down from once a month to zero a month.

我儿子最近从泰国回来了,关于他的(sex change)变性手术/性交易,我依然很恼火。
他还是个男人,但我妻子把和我做爱的次数从每月一次减少到零了。


☆ I like my women like I like the sandwiches in the Greggs I work in

Full of my spunk

我像爱我在Greggs工作时作出的三明治一样爱我的妻子。
是我勇气的杰作/灌满了我的子孙浆

注:spunk意为勇气,同时也是semen(精液)的俚语说法。


☆ I am a man trapped in a woman’s body.

Unfortunately, I mistook the extra-strength superglue for lube.

我是个被困在女性身体中的男性。
我错把强力胶当成润滑油了。

注:这个是嘲讽人妖的,人妖们总喜欢说自己是“female trapped in a male body”。

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