Sickipedia Hottest #5

年纪有了一把,学问一点也没有,笑话倒是有一担


☆ I broke up with my girlfriend at restaurant. She started crying.
Everyone thought I proposed her so they started clapping.

我在饭店和女友提出分手,她哭了出来。
所有人都以为我求婚成功,于是他们开始鼓掌。


☆ Being a programmer and watching someone “hack” a computer on a TV show is like being a nurse watching someone in a movie take blood with a carrot.
作为一个程序员,我看着影视作品里角色“黑”一台电脑,就像护士看着电影角色拿萝卜抽血一样。


☆ There should be an Olympics where athletes can take whatever drugs they like.
Like fuck it, let’s see how high can humans really jump!
应该整一场这样的运动会:运动员们可以随便嗑药。
去他妈的,来让我们瞧瞧人类到底能蹦多高。


☆ What do people that use u instead of you and M8 instead of mate do with with all that precious time they’ve saved .
那些用u代替you以及用M8代替mate的人把他们节省下来的宝贵时间用在哪了呢?


☆ I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him “Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same”?

He replied “Kim’s at the bar getting drinks, I’m his wife”
我和一个叫金的中国人一起工作,一次我们一起喝酒,我问他:“你烦不烦我们西方人老是说你们中国人都长着同一张脸?”
他回答:“金正在酒吧喝酒,我是他老婆。”


☆ I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.

A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.
我拨打了Child Abuse Hotline(1.虐待儿童举报热线 2.就字面意思)
一个小孩接了电话,叫我傻逼,然后让我滚犊子。


☆ Breaking news………..

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London.

Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
新闻!
俩穆斯林开着快艇撞到了泰晤士河的河堤上。
警察们估计这是Ram-a-dam(1.穆斯林斋月 2.ram a dam字面意思-撞击大坝)的开始。


☆ You gotta hand it to midgets.

Because some times they can’t reach.
你得hand it to(1. 理解,认可 2. 字面意思,递给)侏儒们啊。
因为有时候他们够不到。


☆ A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab….

Should have gone to Burka king
一位穆斯林女士在麦当劳门口被拦下了,因为她的袍罩。
早知道就去袍罩王了。
注:谐音梗,Burka-Burger,Burka指穆斯林的袍罩。


☆ B.B.C News: In a new study “Humans eat more bananas than monkeys”.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a fucking monkey.
BBC News:一项新的研究表明“人类比猴子吃的香蕉多/人类吃猴子比吃香蕉多”
我都不记得我啥时候吃过猴子。


☆ Autocorrect is a bastard. Just text my pal asking if he wanted to go for a wank down the river!

I meant the canal.
自动更正真该死,我刚刚给我朋友发了条短信问他想不想去往河里撸一发。
我的意思是水沟。
注:wank 撸管











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