☆ I took a girl back to my house for sex last night.
After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes and climbed under the quilt.
“You’ll have to be really quiet,” I whispered, “My mum & dad are asleep.”
“I can see that,” she said, “Have you not got your own bed?”
☆ Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers.
“Since when do you wear womens pants?”
“Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!”
☆ I went to the best ever burger van today.
It was so good, it had 4 Michelin tyres.
注：这个段子玩的是米其林餐厅的梗，一般形容餐厅好吃，都说它有几个 Michelin star。
☆ Was watching a movie last night about this nigger who was running a cartel operation.
It was called chocolate and the Charlie factory.
☆ I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
☆ “You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life”
“But the Wedding is not until tomorrow dad”
“I know, son”
☆ I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.
Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.
☆ After my wife died of a heart attack I didn’t want to settle down again straight away. I wanted to have some fun first. So I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with.
Needless to say, my in laws weren’t impressed. They thought I should have called an ambulance first.
注：are not impressed 口语中用于委婉表示不很喜欢。
☆ Because of my somewhat violent temper my doctor suggested I get a punchbag to take my anger out on.
What a great idea, the wedding is in a month.
☆ I said to the wife ‘I’ve got a problem.’
She replied ‘No,we have a problem,were a couple,were married,were a unit,
your problem is my problem were in this together.’
Overwhelmed with relief I said ‘its hardly worth mentioning now.’
But she was insistent on knowing, ‘what’s is the problem?’
I then had to explain to her that ‘we have got your sister pregnant!.’