Sickipedia Hottest #6

什么癌症嘴里苦?


☆ I took a girl back to my house for sex last night.

After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes and climbed under the quilt.

“You’ll have to be really quiet,” I whispered, “My mum & dad are asleep.”

“I can see that,” she said, “Have you not got your own bed?”

我昨晚带了一个女孩回家打炮
上了楼,我小心翼翼地脱了衣服爬上床
我小声说:“你小心点,我爸妈在睡觉”
她说:“我看到了,你难道没有一张自己的床吗?”


☆ Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers.
“Since when do you wear womens pants?”
“Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!”

俩男的在健身房,其中一个正在穿蕾丝短裤
– “你啥时候开始穿女装的啊?”
· “自从我老婆在杂物箱里发现了它们。”


☆ I went to the best ever burger van today.

It was so good, it had 4 Michelin tyres.

今天我光顾了有史以来最棒的快餐车。
它如此美妙,竟然是米其林四胎餐厅。

注:这个段子玩的是米其林餐厅的梗,一般形容餐厅好吃,都说它有几个 Michelin star。


☆ Was watching a movie last night about this nigger who was running a cartel operation.

It was called chocolate and the Charlie factory.

我看了一部电影,关于一个掌握着垄断企业的尼哥。
名字叫《巧克力和傻子工厂》

注:charlie 傻子;蠢人


☆ I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

我在亚马逊买了本分类词典,结果翻开发现都是白页。
我现在都没处找词来形容我有多生气。


☆ “You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life”
“But the Wedding is not until tomorrow dad”
“I know, son”

  • “你以后会把今天当作你人生中最快乐的一天来怀念。”
    · “但是爸,我的婚礼在明天啊。”
  • “儿子,爸知道。”

☆ I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.

Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.

我走进卧室发现妻子前几天死了。
看着她死在那里,我决定再来最后一发。她突然睁开眼睛,“BOO!”地吓我一跳。
说真的,有些人真他妈脑子有病。


☆ After my wife died of a heart attack I didn’t want to settle down again straight away. I wanted to have some fun first. So I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with.

Needless to say, my in laws weren’t impressed. They thought I should have called an ambulance first.

在我妻子死于心脏病后,我并没有急着再找个人安顿下来。我想先找点乐子,于是我在网上约了一个大波妹来打炮。
不用说,我娘家人并不赞赏我的行为,他们觉得我该先叫救护车。

注:are not impressed 口语中用于委婉表示不很喜欢。


☆ Because of my somewhat violent temper my doctor suggested I get a punchbag to take my anger out on.

What a great idea, the wedding is in a month.

因为我的暴脾气,医生建议我找个沙袋来发泄。
这真是个好主意,我们的婚礼下个月就举行。

注:家暴梗。


☆ I said to the wife ‘I’ve got a problem.’
She replied ‘No,we have a problem,were a couple,were married,were a unit,
your problem is my problem were in this together.’
Overwhelmed with relief I said ‘its hardly worth mentioning now.’
But she was insistent on knowing, ‘what’s is the problem?’
I then had to explain to her that ‘we have got your sister pregnant!.’

我对老婆说:“我遇到麻烦了。”
她回答:“不,是我们遇到麻烦了,我们是结了婚的夫妻,我们是一个整体,你的麻烦就是我的麻烦。”
我瞬间释然了,说:“那它现在不值一提了。”
她瞬间明白了什么,问到:“到底是什么麻烦?”
我不得不告诉她:“我们把你妹妹肚子搞大了。”









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