☆ The waitress said, “are you ready to order?”
“My wife is in the ladies, “ I said
“Do you know what she’s having?”
“Well she’s been gone 10 minutes so probably a shit.”
☆ As the doctor went through my notes, he said, “The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection.”
I said, “How come?”
He said, “Well … your wife is very ugly.”
☆ What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
☆ Many Londoners continue mourning today
Russia has killed the leader of ISIS
☆ I said to my co pilot, “What the fuck is a mountain goat doing on top of that cloud?”
☆ I’ll never forget what my Grandfather said just before he died.
“Are you still holding that fucking ladder?”
☆ I finally fixed the annoying noise in my car.
I opend the door and pushed her out.
☆ The serpent played every trick in the book, but Adam still wouldn’t eat the apple.
It then told Eve it’s good for your skin.
☆ My girlfriend’s dog just died so I got her an identical one.
Now she’s got two dead dogs.
☆ New mothers please always remember pen lids choke little children
Other good ones are peanuts and marbles