Sickipedia Hottest #7

今已亭亭如盖矣


☆ The waitress said, “are you ready to order?”
“My wife is in the ladies, “ I said
“Do you know what she’s having?”
“Well she’s been gone 10 minutes so probably a shit.”

侍者问:“您现在点餐吗?”
我说:“我老婆还在厕所。”
“你知道她的口味吗?/她来了大的还是小的?”
“她去了十分钟,我估计是屎。”


☆ As the doctor went through my notes, he said, “The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection.”
I said, “How come?”
He said, “Well … your wife is very ugly.”

医生看了看我的病例,说:“这个疗法风险很大。它基本能确保你恢复视力,但有可能影响你的勃起能力。”
我问到:“这怎么可能?”
他回答:“好吧…你老婆丑爆了。”


☆ What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.

什么比Kurt Cobain更有头脑?
他身后的墙。

注:这货吞枪自杀的,脑浆糊一墙。


☆ Many Londoners continue mourning today
Russia has killed the leader of ISIS

许多伦敦市民今天都不停默哀。
因为毛子杀了ISIS的领袖。

注:两个梗,一个是伦敦恐怖袭击,一个是伦敦穆斯林多。


☆ I said to my co pilot, “What the fuck is a mountain goat doing on top of that cloud?”
我问我的副机长:“那只山羊在天上干啥?”

注:语言的魅力在这个段子里体现的淋漓尽致。
1. 圣战士死后到天堂会有七十二个处女。
2. 穆斯林喜欢操山羊。
3. 客机是恐怖袭击的主要工具之一。


☆ I’ll never forget what my Grandfather said just before he died.
“Are you still holding that fucking ladder?”

我永远忘不掉祖父死前对我说的话,
“你还在扶着梯子吗?”


☆ I finally fixed the annoying noise in my car.
I opend the door and pushed her out.

我解决了我车子的噪音问题。
我打开门把她丢了下去。


☆ The serpent played every trick in the book, but Adam still wouldn’t eat the apple.
It then told Eve it’s good for your skin.

巨蛇机关算计,但亚当就是不肯吃苹果。
于是它告诉夏娃苹果对皮肤有好处。


☆ My girlfriend’s dog just died so I got her an identical one.
Now she’s got two dead dogs.

我女友的狗死了,于是我又送了她一只一摸一样的。
她现在有两只死狗了。


☆ New mothers please always remember pen lids choke little children
Other good ones are peanuts and marbles

初为人母者请记住,笔帽很容易噎死婴儿。
其他的好工具还有花生和溜溜(方言,读三声,小玻璃球)。









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