Sickipedia Hottest #9

以酒为浆,以妄为常。


☆ It’s funny how definitions have changed for parents over the years.
Your child is not ‘badly behaved and a bit thick’, they’ve got ADHD.
They’re not a ‘sissy’, they’re born in the wrong body,
They’re not an ‘interfering, opinionated, annoying little cunt’, they’re a vegan.

真是可笑,这些年来父母的观念发生了很大的变化。
你的孩子不再是“又虎又笨”,而是得了多动症。
他们不再是娘娘腔,而是“生在错误的身体里”。
他们不再是“多管闲事,固执己见,烦人的傻逼”,而是素食主义者。


☆ My new loanshark really does have a heart of gold.
He said if I couldn’t make the first payment towards the loan by Thursday night then he would take my whole family out at the weekend!

我的新高利贷债主有颗金子般的心啊。
他说如果我不能在下周四前还钱的话,就带我们全家出去玩/就干掉我们全家。


☆ My son said he wanted to be a ghost for Halloween…
so I killed him.

我儿子说他想在万圣节变成鬼魂…
于是我杀了他。


☆ I can’t believe I’ve landed a 30-day ban from Facebook, just for posting a Hitler meme.
What is this, Nazi Germany?

我真不敢相信,只因为我发了希特勒的梗,我的脸书就被封了三十天。
这他妈是什么政府?纳粹德国?


☆ It has been proven that Greta Thunberg is making a real difference to climate change, as every time she comes on the TV approximately 1 million people switch it off.
Greta Thunberg被证实改善了气候。
因为每次她出现在在电视上,大约一百万人会关掉电视。


☆ There’s a rumour that surgeons in the US have performed the first ever penis & scrotum transplant on an injured army veteran.
Sounds like a cock & balls story to me!

有传闻说美国的外科医生们为一名伤残退伍军人做了有史以来第一台全屌移植手术。
我看这就一扯蛋的事!


Everyday my 90 year old neighbour who has alzhiemers knocks on my door and asks me if I’ve seen his wife .
And everyday I have to tell that 90 year old man his wife has been long dead .
You know I have thought of not answering the door I have even thought about moving house .
But you know it’s worth it, each time just to see the smile on his face..

我那个老年痴呆的九十岁老头邻居每天早上都会敲我门问我看没看见他妻子。
而我每次都要这老头解释他妻子早就死了。
我想到每天早上的事甚至都想要搬家。
但我每天看到他的笑容,认为这一切都是值得的。


☆ I’ve got a job where I can proudly hold my head up at the end of the day.
I’m an executioner for ISIS.

我找到了一个可以在每天结束时都可以傲然举首的工作,
我是ISIS的刽子手。


☆ Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;
then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall…

墨西哥佬应该停止可卡因出口,
那样就轮到美国佬爬墙了。


☆ My mate suffers from that disease which makes him allergic to facts.
Religion.

我朋友得了一种对事实过敏的病
宗教


☆My wife asked me to pray for her mothers cancer, and to be fair, God answered my prayer.
She died.

我妻子让我为她妈的癌症祈祷,上帝听到了我的祈祷。
她死了。












Base常被形容男女交合的步骤,先亲再摸后基因交流,也叫first base,second base,third base








Little Messi == Little messy

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